Dancing With And Embracing Your Soul-Self

(This post was written back in early March.)

Studying today. Dancing with my shadow, embracing her in a playful way. Discovering more of my pleasures while nourishing our union. One can't possibly know what life really taste like without embracing their two sides, their two worlds, both light and dark.

Growing up I was taught to stay far away from such pleasures. Well, of course they weren't looked upon as pleasures more like darkness that meant harmful, dangerous, just plain dark. Deep down I always had a pull to the dark, to the "unknown", into the forbidden. What I found there was something magical, healing, actually light bearing. It was not dangerous, but loving, embracing, nurturing. It was not harmful, but strong, affirming, ensuring, wise, sensual, sexual, intuitive, rhythmic - feminine, creativity, solitude, playful, engaging, wild, inexorable. Nothing to be afraid of, but rather to be explored, learned, and understood.

We as human beings are taught to fear what we don't understand. However, it is in our understanding that we gain insight and appreciation for the difference which protects us from judging one another and ultimately ourselves. 

As I'm beginning to participate in online socializing again I'm being constantly made aware of a nudging that won't go away. I'm witnessing myself become reactive to the stimuli that is bombarding me, daily. As I was away I didn't experience the anxiety that I'm experiencing now in regards to my self-acceptance. This is an odd thought however, because what does my self-acceptance have to do with anyone else? Isn't self-acceptance about me? The answer to these questions should be, 1. absolutely nothing, and 2. yes, however, the nudging that I'm receiving is telling me something else. Every time I get ready to post a picture or say a word the anxiety hits me. Every time that picture or word is posted the nudging hits me and says, "you're waiting for them to accept you". Do you ever experience this? The constant nudging wants me to pay attention and as I pay attention my awareness grows and if my awareness grows I pay attention even more. The truth is, my self-acceptance begins right here, with me. 

If you can relate to this here is advice on how I deal with it and have dealt with it: 

You must remember that somewhere between stimuli (the feelings of anxiety you experience) and response (allowing fear to hinder you or stop you from moving forward) lies your truth. 

Amidst the stimuli, choices, buffet, smorgasbord of the insatiable you must remember to seek your truth. You must remember to always ask yourself what do I crave as a desired outcome of how I want feel about myself? What do I desire to happen in this moment of me sharing myself in thoughts, pictures, writings, paintings, my craft? What do I hunger for? What. Do. I. Want? 

Just because something mouth-watering stands before me should that mean I will compromise my truth in order to feed my ego or do I want to satisfy the hunger of my soul. 

So, how does one engage in society both online and off and not loose themselves but remain true to their soul-self? 

Answer: Develop the strength to live in the in between. Give yourself room to respond in your time, with your truth instead of reacting to the stimuli whether that be a feeling, an offering of words in the form of opinions, support, and or compliments.

By doing so you will continue to feed your intuition so that your intuitive powers can grow.

In doing this, you will know the difference between things that beckon to you from the outside and things that call on you from soul within.

There is where your truth lies.

Side Note: I spent the months between October to February observing my black hair color fade away and my grey hair emerge. It's always been a challenge for me because I started greying at a the age of 17. I did this in order to challenge myself to accept it, embrace it, and love it before I decided to color it again. The journey wasn't easy but it's something I had to do. <3 div="">