The Bond of Sisterhood

I really wish that I knew more about this…but as time goes on, I’m beginning to learn….

Towards the end of last week I was beginning to become unwrapped from all of the pressure of having to be there for my children’s emotional issues about missing their Daddy. It was a lot to manage on top of me dealing with my own feelings of missing him and trying to find my groove.

I’ve been a stay at home mom for 11 years now, and counting. There were times when I didn’t want to stay at home. I now realize it’s because I didn’t have the courage and confidence in myself as a stay at home Mom. Yes, I know….shocking right? It may look like I’ve always had it together and at times I did but there have definitely been seasons where I saw my worse. And in those times I didn’t have girlfriends to turn to and get help from, giving me their motherly and sisterly love. In fact, I didn’t want it because I didn’t trust another women to be there for me. I’ve had glimpses of trust and feeling what it was like to let a sistah in but those times were too far in between and I always found excuses as to why it was her fault things didn’t work out. And, I was very picky and hard to please so things never worked out. Now I’m picky in a good way because I’m not interested in bonding with women who gossip and talk badly about their husbands, I just could never get into that and I despise it. If you have a strong bond with women don’t destroy it with gossip and especially about your man. Your business with your man is your business.

My husband: so strong, so brilliant, so loving would always encourage me to stick it out with my relationships and allow her to see my vulnerability but like I said, the excuses were too many and the bases was fear. I was afraid to open up and let her see me. I thought she would judge, run back and tell her friends and end up hurting me (now mind you, some women are like that but those are not the ones I’m talking about). I now realize I felt this way because I never had a close relationship with the primary female in my life, my Mom. (This post has so many aspects to it, I hope it won’t end up being too long). However, I am grateful to say that my Mom and I have a wonderful relationship today and this all happened within this past year.

Now, back to this past week….

I’m finding my own groove after sharing the responsibilities of the home for almost the past two years with my husband. This is not the first time he’s been at home, it’s a pattern that our home has and it’s a pattern that has held us back from the successes that we wished to have had by now. What do I mean by that? First let me say this, my husband always seems to find these jobs where he is the boss man to be quite frank. He has so much responsibility for the job, employees and what not that his hours tend to be long, a lot longer than the average 9-5. (I want you to see what just happened there, excuse #1). This was one of the biggest reasons I used to always stay in a place of complaining about being at home. I would call him all throughout the day (because again, I had no one else) and complain about what my kids were and were not doing. He would listen, patiently and give me advice and then find a way to come home early. I always appreciated that but realized that in many ways it didn’t help me. He just thought he was being a good husband. To the point where my complaining found a way to get him to come home, leave his job and start a business venture together.

How many times does it take to learn a lesson?….as many times as it needs to. All in all, it’s been a wonderful learning experience!………I’ll have to pick up with part 2 in my next post…..