Lisa C Writes on: Being V U L N E R A B L E

"You are holding back." Words spoken to me by my King first thing in the morning. Words that I didn't want to hear. He was referring to my writing. 

I had written a blog post and before I hit publish I asked him to edit it. This was the response I got along with a slue of yellow highlighted areas in the post. I felt like I was in class. As a result, I hadn't published the post in over a few weeks. 

I appreciate everything that he has to share by way of my work. He's honest, sometimes brutally, but I need it. I hadn't hit publish until right now because I wasn't ready to face the truth as to why I wasn't giving it my all. Especially not after the night I had. I woke up a bit tired after going to sleep after four in the morning with what seemed like the beginnings of a migraine. 

Shortly after he said that to me I opened a book that I'd been waiting to receive in the mail. As I began reading, it felt like the author was slowly tearing my heart open and forcing me to take a look inside. This happened within the first few pages of the introduction! Brene Brown (the author) said something like, "Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be - a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation - with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen." WOW.

I closed the book, grabbed my head, and laid back down because if I didn't have a migraine before I surely had one now. 

Just when you thought things were going great, life calls on you to be even greater. ~Lisa R Charles

I could hear the whispers coming from my soul saying, "Oh no, it's not time to get comfortable. You have much more inside of you to give, and much more waiting for you to receive." I felt this coming for a little while now and over the last few days I couldn't ignore the strong, noticeable, pulling from within. Especially after reading the first few pages of the book. My inner self was getting restless with my half-ass-ness. It was time for me to "show up" and engage fearlessly.

This book is about being brave, engaging fully in whatever you are doing and with whom ever you are doing it with. It forces you to face your fears, face your shame about your fears, and understand why it is important for you to be brave anyway. I definitely need this encouragement in my life right now. In spite of my fears I need to be brave and vulnerable. I need to risk being "seen" even though things aren't perfect. Perfectionism is killing me. I need to be daring and courageous in all areas of my life even if I make mistakes while doing so.

I never want to become too comfortable with where I am in life. I desire to continue to grow into more of who I really am. However, having to stretch in order to get there isn't always easy. Most of the time it is hard as hell. But, doing the hard thing comes with rewards that are much more fulfilling and edifying to us. Usually for me, after taking the easy road I always end up being forced to take the hard / more challenging road anyway. 

My decisions to not take the easy way out always bring about the significant changes and growth that are necessary for me. For example, continuing to read this book even though I know it is going to challenge me to face areas in my life that I have been unwilling to face. It's going to uncover, expose, and facilitate the growth that I desperately need in order to rise into more of the woman I desire to be.  

I love my social media outlets such as Facebook, Google +, Twitter, and Pinterest because they allow me to stay connected online without much effort. Writing a blog post / article takes much more time and effort.
I absolutely love my Tumblr blog. It gives me a place to share my thoughts, pictures, and re-blog pictures. It's quick, easy, and not to mention, fun! (Quick and easy being the key words. 
(If you haven't visited that space as yet, feel free to take a peek and scroll through my pages.)

Tumbling, while being quick and easy, doesn't provide the necessary challenges that I need to grow in my writing skills. I get more of those challenges out of this blog. I've been avoiding this blog (and I really hate that because I love this space). Writing in this space forces me to challenge myself to write fearlessly. It's almost like writing in my private journal where I'm comfortable being vulnerable. I haven't been wanting to experience those open and exposed feelings that come along with writing publicly.

For weeks this blog has been calling me to write. You can see that by the last time I posted here. All of my other social media outlets are somewhat limited in how much I can share and I cannot express myself in ways that I need to. When I post pictures on my Instagram for example, I'm still sharing openly but there are limitations to how much I can share via a picture post. When I'm sharing on my Twitter it's the same thing, there is only so much I can do with 140 characters for each post. My Facebook and Google+ give me a little bit more room but it's still not the same as writing here.

Writing here means that you will "see" more of me and sometimes that scares me. 

I even made the "mistake" and said out loud a few weeks ago that I don't want to write on my blog, "I feel too vulnerable". And to this my King, David replied, "That's exactly where you need to be". I thought about what he said and truthfully, I had to agree with him. 

I love writing in this space. I love being able to share openly and vulnerably with my readers, which is why I feel so good after I do. Like right now, in this moment, after I'm done I'm going to feel on top of my world and that's exactly where I desire to be. Writing here has always been therapeutic for me, and nothing has changed in the last 7 years since I've been doing this. 

So, here's to being vulnerable and writing courageously on my blog, again. I hope you don't mind getting to know me better. 

And don't be dismayed if you don't see a blog post from me in a week or two, just know I'm still here and a post will be coming soon.

pic via pinterest