Lisa C Writes

Yes, really...Thank You. Wow! What a year! Sometimes I'm left speechless when I look back on this year. This year has been one of my best. It's been one of my family's best. It's been incredible! I'm so grateful. So much has changed for me. I've grown in ways I didn't even think I could. I've watched my strength and my ability to believe in myself grow. I'm such a better woman because of this. My family and friends are better as well. This year marked a year of notable change physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I'm more grounded than ever. I've learned to revere my intuition. I've learned to listen. I've learned to slow down, stop if need be, and just simply listen.  I go where I'm told to go, I do what I'm told to do and no longer question whether or not it's for me or against me. This obeying has lead me to a place that this quote I found on Pinterest clearly describes: This quote ...

I'm smiling now. After the tears have past, and feelings I've repeatedly run away from have subsided. No matter how far I think I'm running from them they always catch up. And usually by that time I'm exhausted from running and cannot cope with what's being felt. Anything can set me off because I've practiced running for so long, and not  enough practice in being courageous.  I cried, deeply. "Here we go again", I said to myself. "I thought you dealt with this, Lisa?" Obviously, not. Feelings of inadequacy, not being good enough, not measuring up, not having my stuff together consumed me.  There are certain things that still trigger these feelings within me. I find myself running from them by dumbing them down. I choose to belittle them as a coping method. It's a drug of choice.  Naturally, after the intensity of the feelings begin to subside I turned to my journal. I told my journal all the reasons why I'm back...

"You are holding back." Words spoken to me by my King first thing in the morning. Words that I didn't want to hear. He was referring to my writing.  I had written a blog post and before I hit publish I asked him to edit it. This was the response I got along with a slue of yellow highlighted areas in the post. I felt like I was in class. As a result, I hadn't published the post in over a few weeks.  I appreciate everything that he has to share by way of my work. He's honest, sometimes brutally, but I need it. I hadn't hit publish until right now because I wasn't ready to face the truth as to why I wasn't giving it my all. Especially not after the night I had. I woke up a bit tired after going to sleep after four in the morning with what seemed like the beginnings of a migraine.  Shortly after he said that to me I opened a book that I'd been waiting to receive in the mail. As I began reading, it felt like the author was slowly teari...