When The Clothes Comes Off

This is me in 2004, pregnant with my fourth baby. She was born in September, this pic was taken during the summer. I looked and felt like I was full-term but had a few more months to go. Hard to believe huh? 

Ever since I was blessed to carry life and nurture the life within me my weight fluctuated back and forth. For seven years straight I was either pregnant or nursing and watched myself go from a size 6-8 to a 10-12 to a 9-10 to a 6-8 to a 4-8 to a 10-12 and so on. My weight was never consistent and neither was my mind about it. 

I would get to a point where I was comfortable and then not and then extremely uncomfortable. I cried, I got angry, became resentful. I hated looking in the mirror. Whenever my husband complimented me I wouldn’t believe him. It was very difficult for me to feel good about my physical body.

Then back in 2004 after I had my baby my husband bought a really nice camera and began snapping away at me. He bought lighting, backdrops. He stocked up on film and batteries, and brushed up on his Photoshop skillz. We took many pictures before that year but that was the year he/we kicked it up a notch and by that time I had hit a weight that I truly was not happy about. Being pregnant and having a belly is one thing, not being pregnant and having people ask you, “when are you do” is another. Damn how I hated that question.

Even though I hated posing for the camera I love my husband for not giving up on me. Even though I would be pissed off he would smile and say, “you’re beautiful anyway, now give me a sexy pose”, LOL. 

I haven’t been pregnant now since 2006 and the last time I breastfed was in 2007 for the whole year. I’ve noticed slight fluctuations in my weight and the fact that it’s getting harder to maintain a certain weight sucks because I don’t have pregnancy and breastfeeding as an excuse. I have to work at it. I have to do what it takes to be the size that I want to be. I’ve made a promise to myself to eat healthier, get my rest, and love on me more.

This picture and all the others that I share are inspiration for me to continue to love my body just the way it is, just the size and shape it is. The bottom line is that I’m proud of myself for having the courage to pose anyway. I’m happy to see my flaws and know that they represent my motherhood. I appreciate my sexiness as a mother of five children of whom I carried and gave birth to.

Now it’s your turn. Who are you when all your clothes come off?

Have you struggled with feeling good about the size or shape that you are? Has there been moments of tears shed because of it? If this is the case I want to tell you that you are loved by me, no matter what size you are. I completely understand your struggle. I completely understand your frustration. You are not alone.

Now, I’m going to ask you to take a step with me. Look in the mirror and admire your body for all that it is in it’s glory. Appreciate what you are looking at, and understand that that reflection staring back at you is all you’ve GOT! Appreciation for what you have is the first step to getting what you want, how you want it, and when. Choose this time to love EVERYTHING you see and do this several times a day until you get the point.

Mantra while doing this exercise: I AM GOOD ENOUGH! I AM GOOD ENOUGH! (Repeat)