I’m So Selfish!

Hands crossed, pouting lip and stomping feet! LOL! Selfish, Selfish, Selfish! Yes, that’s me!

I’ve learned the importance of taking care of yourself by putting yourself first, making sure that your love tank is filled to the brim, first. Honoring and guarding your me time unapologetically. Yes, I’ve learned the importance of being selfish in a good way. However, the being selfish that I’m referring to in my title is the other selfish…the not so nice selfish. The selfish that your two year old displays when they take all the toys in the sand-castle box and leave all the other toddlers crying to their Mommy’s and Daddy’s LOL.

When our oldest was four she used to love watching Veggie Tales and so did we. We loved the lessons that were taught and how they impacted our lives as a family. I love the positive re-enforcement of family unity and the importance of it. There is one episode that teaches the importance of sharing with others and how by doing so, what you have will grow beyond what you had to begin with on your own. Great story, concept, right? Of course, that’s what I thought. In this episode the Asparagus had all the Bananas and kept them to himself on top of a hill. And, his favorite line which he repeated to others when asked if he would share with them was, “I’m So Selfish!” You could tell by the look on his face the satisfaction he would get when saying it; the satisfaction of knowing it’s mine and not yours. We played the video tape (along with others, and yup I said VCR tape…lol) over and over again, with the hopes and joys of teaching our Daughter to remember this beautiful attribute long into adulthood. Well, funny how the saying, “practice what you preach”, always has a nice way of nudging you on your coat tail.

My Story:

Once upon a time, I had a beautiful teddy bear. I used to brush it, dressed it, care for it and take it with me everywhere I would go. Me and my teddy where inseparable. And you guessed it, nobody else was allowed to play with my teddy but me! Nobody! After a while I started to notice some wear and tear on my teddy and no matter how hard I tried to clean it, it never seemed to gleam the same way it did when I first got it. Shame, shame! I loved my teddy and my teddy loved me and me and my teddy where inseparable as inseparable can be ;-)

The tide turned and instead of bringing me more and more joy, my teddy could only give me what it had left to give, sadness. I would become angry, demanding and blameful…”where is my JOY!” My teddy began to slip away and my grip would get tighter and tighter until sometimes it would be so tight my teddy couldn’t breathe. I lost one of it’s eye’s and the rip in it’s side only got bigger and bigger, I was devastated and yet I could not see that it was me that was destroying my own teddy. I couldn’t see that all my teddy needed was a little breathing room; space and time. This was when I discovered my Ahh Ha moment! Don’t you just love those?

It took a long time for me to realize what needed to be done. Then it took focus, and determination, and the belief that I had the power of turning this tide around. It took patience with myself because it was no quick fix. As a matter of fact, I’m still on that path of learning how to unselfishly love my teddy and that’s ok. The first thing I had to do was to learn how to laugh at what I was doing. Basically doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Once I recognized that, I stopped. Let the change begin.